"You are too honest. Why you so stupid?"

I really hate the ugly world I live in. I was scolded by my mum for my stupidness. I know I am stupid, I'm useless or whatever. I failed my interview. I failed at everything. I think that's what my mum think of me. I admit I'm still now leeching off my parent's expenses. I wanted to work. I already send out all the job applications whatever I CAN FIND ON JOBSTREET JOBCENTRAL JOBSDB NEWSPAPER WADEVER. But no one wants to reply me. This morning, there is an auntie who knocked the door and said she had 5 children who she needs to take care of. She wanted $30 in exchange of some sausauges. I give her the $30 without hesitation not because I nvr thought that if she was lying to me. BUT I RATHER HELP THAN DUN HELP. WHAT IF EVERYONE THINKS SHE IS LYING? WHERE SHE GETS HELP? WHAT IF WHAT SHE IS SAYING IS TRUE? SINCE I AM BETTER OFF FINANCIALLY WHY CAN"T I JUST SPARE THE FREAKING 30 DOLLARS TO HELP HER? IT"S NOT LIKE EVERYDAY THING. IT"S MY MONEY ANYWAY. EVEN SHE IS LYING. I"M WILLING TO GIVE. I"M NOT STUPID BUT I"M KIND ENOUGH TO RISK IT CAUSE IT MIGHT SAVE A FEW LIVES. FUCK THIS WORLD...