Hi Blog

Sometime when you thought your good friends understand you. Is totally wrong. THey don't understand you. I went to find them to talk. I know i'm whining everyday. But Im stress to a point that I really cried almost every night. I was thrown into a situation where is my first time doing myself and was thrown to do senior job and even manager job. They never conduct planning when all this are supposed to be done before Audit. Yet, now i am the one, alone doing it. I was with a senior in another engagment, they said the planning stage are done by manager and senior with 1 WEEK. Now i'm the only person in the team and i need to do within 1day? what is this? i'm really very stress. But my good friends sought of don't believe me. Keep asking if it is a phase that normally ppl go? No it don't. It is the mananager that is new and don't know how to plan his fucking work. Now i'm thrown to do everything myself. How am i suppose to do when all this require years of experience. Last year 2 seniors, one assistant and one manager doing it. Now i am doing this alone. I'm taking a four person job alone. How can i do it. you want to pay me four person pay? Do you know i really sleep at 3am everyday. And now i tried to sleep earlier at 2 am to wake up and 5am to do everyday. I also spent my saturday and sunday doing this stupid assignment. When i'm really stressed out that i went to play a few games with kelvin to de-stress. end up even more work accumulated. But do anyone really know my situation? No. All they comment is try to adapt. what? how to? i'm already sleeping 3 hrs a day. you call me to adapt to his? can you do it first? seriously. And also i get comment like they wanna test you, is it normal phase and keep repeating the same comment. Please if you don't really understand, don't say this kind of comments. It is really insensitive. Talking is so much easier. anw, it is my own luck and my choice to go into this company. But after this incident, i just realise i'm not really close to them... disappointed.. really.. i'm not whining to them anyomore as it really make me feel worse. Hope the client don't give me any problems. they keep changing their FS and their evidence given to me is always wrong and their schedules don't tally with the FS.. how do i do?? Please.. i really cannot take this anymore.. i'm feeling really helpless.. or please find someone who understand me and counsel me. what should i do?

I won't forget today.

I had a big fight with my dad. My dad almost beat me today. He said I had looked down on him after he had worked and paid money for my studies. I was crying like a baby today. I had never think that before. I'm working really hard is not for myself. Why i want to work so hard? Is because for you all. I can't stand to see you got bullied by other friends as they tried to use you. I see you always work even your leg is pain and barely can walk. the most i can't stand is you vent your anger on my mother when you feel moody due to work. how to solve all this? Yes if i am capable of supporting you all so you all don't need to work. you think i don't want a relationship now? i can get one if i want. but i choose not to. so i can commit more time to my work and further studies. so i can earn more next time to support you all. you think i like to do all this? i'm still doing work on sat and sun even is just my first week of work. but all i get is i potrayed to him that i looked down on him. yes i didn't respect you this time. so did you respect my mum? ask her to help u wash leg when my mum just did eye operation and she needs ample rest? talk about respect. thanks blog. you are always hear for me when i needed someone.

Breast Cancer Public Forum

Assigned as team leader for tomorrow? What am i supposed to do? Scary yet exciting. Hope I can do a good job tomorrow.

"You are too honest. Why you so stupid?"

I really hate the ugly world I live in. I was scolded by my mum for my stupidness. I know I am stupid, I'm useless or whatever. I failed my interview. I failed at everything. I think that's what my mum think of me. I admit I'm still now leeching off my parent's expenses. I wanted to work. I already send out all the job applications whatever I CAN FIND ON JOBSTREET JOBCENTRAL JOBSDB NEWSPAPER WADEVER. But no one wants to reply me. This morning, there is an auntie who knocked the door and said she had 5 children who she needs to take care of. She wanted $30 in exchange of some sausauges. I give her the $30 without hesitation not because I nvr thought that if she was lying to me. BUT I RATHER HELP THAN DUN HELP. WHAT IF EVERYONE THINKS SHE IS LYING? WHERE SHE GETS HELP? WHAT IF WHAT SHE IS SAYING IS TRUE? SINCE I AM BETTER OFF FINANCIALLY WHY CAN"T I JUST SPARE THE FREAKING 30 DOLLARS TO HELP HER? IT"S NOT LIKE EVERYDAY THING. IT"S MY MONEY ANYWAY. EVEN SHE IS LYING. I"M WILLING TO GIVE. I"M NOT STUPID BUT I"M KIND ENOUGH TO RISK IT CAUSE IT MIGHT SAVE A FEW LIVES. FUCK THIS WORLD...

No wonder i'm not mature

Spent the last two night thinking really hard. I'm lucky that i woke up if not i don't know what will happen to me. I shouldn't because of a failed interview and started to look down so much on myself. A successful person will never due to a failure and start to give up on himself. I am reading straits times and there is an article on a blinded person. He is rich not in financial terms. He has a really bad past. But yet he raises his own bar, and said he would never give up and always stay optimistic and reframe situations. There is so much thoughts after reading this article. I mean compare to him i'm not blinded is such a big advantage over him. But he has never given up so am I in any position to just give up? Really childish of myself. But glad i have chanced upon this article. Oh well. Hope i don't get back to my ownself again.. Jiayou..

Karma? I need a chance.

Dad landed in hospital today. I feel so useless. I can't support anything. I'm jobless. I'm stupid. Getting result soon. Dunno if i had done too badly or what. I'm not contributing to anything. Is it karma cause my mouth always say things that sound very ugly and hurtful to ppl? Or what? I hope my life change soon. Please give me a chance to change my situation now.

Why?

如果沒有擁有就沒有失去 那為何我還會 傷心